The Delight List

When my kids were little, I came up with something I called a delight list.

It’s different from a gratitude list.

Gratitude lists are important—they remind us of the big, foundational things we’re thankful for: our health, our children, a roof over our heads, our family. But a delight list felt different to me. It asked something more specific, more personal. It required me to pay attention in a different way.

A delight list is about noticing the small, fleeting moments that stop you in your tracks and bring you a sense of pure delight and joy.

Not because they’re profound.
Not because they cost anything.
Not because you planned them.

But because they find you.

The Delight List

Learning to Notice Delight

Over the years, especially when my kids were young, I started to notice these moments more clearly.

Holding my youngest son’s hand—his little, glove-like mitt wrapped around mine.
My oldest son getting the giggles over something only he noticed in the world.
A full moon rising slowly over the horizon.  Shooting stars, birds flying in a perfect V across the sky.  My morning coffee. A deep conversation with someone I love.  A road trip.  

Even certain songs had this effect—songs that made me roll the windows down, pause whatever I was thinking about, and just be in that moment.

These weren’t things I had to seek out. They were already there.

I just had to notice them.

Why It Mattered—Especially During Hard Times

As life got more complicated—as it does for all of us—I realized how easy it is to lose touch with those moments.

Stress builds.
Grief shows up.
Responsibilities stack.

And suddenly, the small things that once lit you up quietly disappear into the background.

During some of the harder seasons in my life, I found myself returning to this idea of a delight list. I actually wrote mine down and taped it to my fridge—not as a lofty exercise, but as a simple, visible reminder:

These things still exist.
You still have access to them.

I often needed that reminder.

Because the truth is—filling your tank doesn’t just happen automatically. Sometimes you have to be intentional about it.

The Other List We Don’t Talk About

At the same time, I began to notice something else.

There were also things that consistently drained my tank.

Things I said yes to out of obligation.
Events I didn’t want to attend.
Conversations with people I knew would leave me feeling depleted.

And yet—I would still do them.

Not because I had to, but because I felt like I should.

That realization was just as important as the delight list itself.

Because while some obligations in life are real, many of them are ones we quietly create for ourselves.

Why “Manage Your Stress” Isn’t Enough

Over the years, I’ve had well-meaning clinicians encourage me to “manage my stress better.”

And while I understand the intention, that advice has never fully landed for me.

Because life can be really hard.

And sometimes, hearing that can feel minimizing—like you’re somehow failing at something that isn’t entirely within your control.

We are all doing the best we can with the tools we have at the time.

So instead of focusing only on managing stress, I think there’s value in asking a different question:

What fills your tank?

Because life does get hard at times, stress does accumulate.  How can we fill our tank to better support us as we navigate through that stress.

A Practice I Shared With My Kids—and My Patients

At one point, I had my kids create their own delight lists.

Each one looked completely different—which is exactly the point.

What lights one person up might not even register for someone else.  And that uniqueness is what makes it so delightful.

Over time, I also started sharing this idea with friends, and then my patients—especially those navigating stress, grief, or depression.

I’m not a therapist, but I do believe deeply in helping people reconnect with what brings them back to their authentic self.

I’ve had patients write their lists and tape them to their fridge, just like I did.  

Not as a cure.
Not as a dismissal of how hard life can be.

But as a gentle anchor.

Coming Back to What Lights You Up

Life will always have its challenges. That part doesn’t change.

But when you know what brings you moments of delight—when you’ve taken the time to identify it, name it, and return to it—you move through those challenges a little differently.

With a little more capacity.
A little more steadiness.
A little more connection to yourself.

And maybe, just maybe, a little more joy tucked into the ordinary.

A Simple Invitation

If you’ve never made a delight list, I’d invite you to try.

Not the big things.
Not the obvious things.

But the small, specific, almost forgettable moments that make you pause and feel something real.

Write them down.
Keep them somewhere visible.

And when life feels heavy, come back to them.

They’re still there—waiting for you.